Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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