Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
