I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.