I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants