I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW