I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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