I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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