it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize