Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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