You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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