just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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