rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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