All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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