plz talk dirty to me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize