I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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