he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dick very happy bro
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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