She is in my trunk
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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