but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
