i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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