Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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