i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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