Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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