why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude i'm inner monologue high
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize