im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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