I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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