Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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