When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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