I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
