I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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