the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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