Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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