You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
