well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
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I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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