I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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