we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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