checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.