Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
