God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.