I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
