Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
