I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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