just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
