haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize