So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
