Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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