if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.