did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.