Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively