i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.