I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
