Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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