i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.