He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.