He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?