clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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