apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
