I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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