I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize