it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
